For as long as I can remember I had a 10 year plan. I always knew where my projected plan was going. The last two years I have been living in France, teaching English within the public school system. I’ve never once found myself jumping head-first into…. the unknown of post gap year life. And, well, that’s the question I find myself asking these days is: what exactly am I going to be jumping into next year.
Type A & B: A combination of Nature vs. Nurture
My father always had a plan for me: graduate high school, addend a 4 year university, get my masters, start my career. My mother always told me to follow my heart: take a break, travel to a foreign country, work odd jobs, build up my story. I’ve been a list maker my whole life. So naturally I’ve always been inclined to follow the plan my father had laid out for me since I could remember. It was what he did, so it should be what I do as well. But then there is my mother, who packed up her whole life and moved across the country to take a chance with my father in brand new and unknown place. I’ve always felt like a 50-50 split between both my parents. But now, as I’m sitting here not knowing what is next for me, I find myself questioning everything.
The type A in me wanted to know exactly what is next, how I’m going to do it, where it’s going to be; the list could go on and on for days on the types of things of my list. Then there is the type B in me feels this breathe of fresh air, having complete control to choose whatever direction and path that I want to take and create for myself. So that leaves me with a question I’m finding difficult to answer: How on earth do I balance the two??
Figuring out the Balance
As of right now, I know I need a) a job that pays better than what I’m currently making, b) a place to live, & c) a path that allows for both me and my boyfriend to continue our lives together. Talk about a conundrum.
For now, I am going to
try enjoy the time I have left in Paris. I know that I will always be able to come back if I set my mind and heart to it. Pray that we can find a semi-easy visa solution for Mikael. And look forward to returning to the comforts of home. Meanwhile, I will continue making lists and call my mother for solace (thanks mom don’t know what I’d do without you!). And, as usual, spill my woes into blog posts & using the best form of therapy there is: retail.